Being a parent is a daily struggle with stress. Between work, feeding your kids, and keeping them safe, raising children can be incredibly stressful. The sleep loss that comes with parenting can also lead to serious health problems such as depression, anxiety, or even ulcers.
One of the best things we can do is learn to manage our stress. A major stressor for parents is dealing with public tantrums. It’s embarrassing for both the parent and the child, and judgmental stares from strangers don’t help. Many traditional methods, like showing affection or yelling, can actually make the situation worse. It’s important not to fall into the trap of acting on instinct during a tantrum.
Watching your child throw a temper tantrum in public is tough. But with proper preparation and response, you can handle it calmly. Not having to worry about tantrums during outings, like grocery shopping, is a big step towards being a happier and healthier parent.
While many factors contribute to public tantrums, here are seven tips to help your child behave appropriately:
1. **Prevention is Key**
Know your child’s moods. If you think they’re likely to have a tantrum, avoid taking them out. Parenting involves conditioning, so bring them out when they’re in a good mood and reinforce their good behavior. This way, they get used to behaving well in public.
2. **Start With Small and Quick Trips**
If you have a big family event coming up, prepare your child with smaller public outings. Quick trips to the store or coffee shop can help them get comfortable being out. Gradually work up to longer outings, but understand that sometimes life requires longer trips.
3. **Establish a Base Set of Public Skills**
During smaller trips, work on basic skills with your child. Skills such as following directions, staying close to you, accepting “no,” putting things down without fuss, and transitioning between different areas can help prevent tantrums.
4. **Limit Your Reaction**
No matter how well you prepare, tantrums will happen. When they do, stay calm and limit your reaction. By being “robotic,” you show your child that tantrums aren’t effective. Encourage them to use their words and positively reinforce good behavior.
5. **Quickly Figure Out What Your Child Wants: The 10 Second Rule**
If you can’t figure out the problem within 10 seconds, take your child to a quieter spot. Reduce the attention and distraction they get from the tantrum. Tell them you want to help, but they need to communicate.
6. **Be Quick to Pull the Trigger**
Respond quickly to tantrums with appropriate consequences. Letting a tantrum continue for too long reinforces the behavior. By acting swiftly, you take away the value of the tantrum, shortening and eventually eliminating them.
7. **Mirror Shifts in Your Child’s Behavior**
Act robotic during the tantrum, but immediately help once your child communicates their needs. Support them in making good choices when they start showing progress.
Take it one step at a time and don’t stress if it doesn’t work immediately. Parenting is about the small victories. Every child is different, so adjust your expectations accordingly. While this may not eliminate all stress, it can help reduce one part of it, leading to a happier, healthier you.